I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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