when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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