It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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