i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
