If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
