Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
