bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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