Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
