You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
