We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Two words: blizzard sex
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
