That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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