sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
