I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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