I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
