Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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