Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
