I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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