Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
