I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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