He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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