I showed him my bush... on skype.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just invented taco cereal.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
