That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
