Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
