my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize