On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
how does that bad decision feel?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
