smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
