Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Sext me about skeletons
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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