I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
