; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Ketchup is God's man juice
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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