That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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