Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Randomize
