I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
