didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
