i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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