..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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