Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
