Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
