I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
