Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
