I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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