New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
