i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Ketchup is God's man juice
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
