I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
did i walk over a car last night?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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