i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
She even gives head with a lisp.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
