I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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