I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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