Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
we should paint friendship bongs
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
