I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
