I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
