I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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