I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
