so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
