Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
