Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
