hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
