Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Floor bacon is actually really good
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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