ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
