Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
