I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
