There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
