why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize