No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Even my vagina gasped.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
