He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
