Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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