my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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