Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
