I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
