you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
