I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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