We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
MIDGETS
????
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Randomize