unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
