If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
