Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
