So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
