there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
