you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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