walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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