Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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