Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize