hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
