So drunk its hurt
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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