Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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