The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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