If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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