Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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