dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
