do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
