If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
