True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
