I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
