If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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