There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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