i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
