There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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