i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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