My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
